Welcome, everybody. Just come on in and make yourselves at home.
We do have a couple of requests:
1 - please remember to keep your postings 'family friendly', and
2 - please do not make commercial postings. Any commercial messages that are posted will be removed as soon as possible.
Re: Happy Christmas. « Result #2 on Dec 22, 2009, 9:19pm »
It's been a while since I've posted, but I have been checking in on occasions, still it is that time of the year when I feel I just have to contribute and wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and an excellent New Year.
I may even get to meet some of you in 2010 if you are coming down under for the Sydney Convention. (Only a few more days left to register at the $US100 level and save a few dollars!)
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 424 Location: Launceston, Cornwall
Seasons Greetings « Result #5 on Dec 18, 2009, 8:51pm »
Peter and I send our very Good Wishes for the Festive Season to all Lions and friends, as it is not only at Christmas, but all the long year through, the joy that you give to others is the joy that comes back to you.
We wish that the coming year be better than all the others. Vow to do some of the things you've always wanted to do but couldn't find the time.
Life has been very busy since May, and I have managed to look a couple of times
My feeling on blogs is that they are for people with way too much free time on their hands.
There's no such thing as too much when it comes to free time. I have "free" time because I rise early each day. BTW- I try to update http://lionskip.blogspot.com and http://certifiedskip.blogspot.com a couple of times a week, but I can't begin to keep up with a certain individual who shall remain nameless I will say that each of his blogs are worth a visit and you can find links to them on my blogs.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,203 Location: Brighton, England
PDG Robin Blake « Result #13 on Nov 21, 2009, 3:56pm »
As some of our regulars and guests will know, Robin was thought to have beaten cancer, but unfortunately he suffered a relapse and, after a couple of weeks in a hospice, he died on Thursday.
Our condolences to his widow, Lion Jacquie, and his parents, PDG Lion Bill and Heather.
That's very big-hearted of you, Alan, but when was I rude to you and in need of your forgiveness? I don't recall any such occasion, but I suppose I might as well make the most of the situation and call you a ...
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Re: Hands up... « Result #15 on Nov 21, 2009, 12:31pm »
I don't get it??????????? I.....the shy and innocent one on this board, have to put up with slanderous remarks from so called friends. I'll bet if I join the Rotarians, I wouldn't be treated as a Pariah and have terrible scorn dropped upon my innocent little soul. I hurt very easily and often cry myself to sleep after reading your horrible remarks about me. I've even got a tear in my eyes as I'm writing this, but, I FORGIVE YOU ALL, AS YOU KNOW NOT WHAT YOU DO.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,203 Location: Brighton, England
Hands up... « Result #22 on Nov 17, 2009, 4:31pm »
... those among you who remember the old banter board.
I understand that there is one among us (who shall remain nameless - at least for the time being) who misses being rude to Alan. Now then, Alan, you know that attack is the best form of defence, so why not shoot first and ask questions afterwards?
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Tonks « Result #32 on Oct 25, 2009, 8:02pm »
Has anyone got Tonks email address? When he retired from work he hasn't let me know what his new email address is. I've sent numerous letters to the snail mail address he gave me, but I've never had any replies. Cheers.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
When was your Best Day....and Why? « Result #37 on Oct 18, 2009, 1:00pm »
Yesterday will take some beating for me.
For the past 7 months I have been suffering in silence. I was told last April that the pains I was feeling in my groin could have been the onset of Prostate Cancer, and I've been having treatment for this. Yesterday I had a Hospital appointment and was given the great news that I was clear. After numerous scans and probes, no Cancerous Tissue has been found, and I was discharged. Secondly my son Karl had paid for myself and Marj to go to the M.E.N. Arena in Manchester to see Cliff Richard and the Shadows on their Final Tour. What a fantastic evening it was. The concert was great. Sat amongst 20.000 people was incredible. That was my best day.....what's yours?
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and s tood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic.
They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe ... They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and... their private parts to the approaching drivers.
I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men. Of course, traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy.
It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.
He got out of his car a nd started walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!
"What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So, I told him,
"Hello-o-o-o-o-o, those are my emergency flashers!"
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 538 Location: Woodbine, MD USA Dist. 22-W
Re: Return of the Lousy jokes. « Result #52 on Oct 8, 2009, 11:58am »
Finally, a joke worthy of this thread!
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and s tood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic.
They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe ... They are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and... their private parts to the approaching drivers.
I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men. Of course, traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy.
It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.
He got out of his car a nd started walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!
"What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So, I told him,
"Hello-o-o-o-o-o, those are my emergency flashers!"
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Re: Fast Feet & Good Rubber. « Result #53 on Oct 7, 2009, 1:18pm »
Marj told me off on the day of the walk. I rang her to ask how she was doing, as I was very concerned for her wellbeing. She said it was tough going but she would persevere and then asked where I was. I told her I was in the Summit Pub having a drink and the Lunchtime Carvery. I never thought Marj knew language like that, which she came out with.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,109 Location: Aviemore
Re: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells. « Result #57 on Oct 6, 2009, 9:46pm »
On Friday we saw the first snowfall on the Cairngorm Mountain, was last Friday, although it was only a two inch dusting!
On Sunday, the Highland Council put up the village Christmas decoration. The 70 mph gale did not deter the workmen, nor did the flower baskets on the lamp standards, they just erected them over the top!!!
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Re: Fast Feet & Good Rubber. « Result #64 on Sept 26, 2009, 2:51pm »
I forgot to mention that it isn't just the Oldham Club that organises this event, it is 10 Lions Clubs, working together. Oldham, Middleton, Heywood, Littleborough, Rochdale,West Tameside, Stretford, and in Yorkshire, Todmorden, Denby Dale, Huddersfield.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Fast Feet & Good Rubber. « Result #65 on Sept 26, 2009, 2:48pm »
Tomorrow, Sunday 27th Sept. Marj will take part in our Annual Canal Towpath walk in aid of Laura Crane Charity for Cancer Sufferers who are young children. Each year a different Charity is chosen. Two years ago it was Campaign Sightfirst 2.
This walk has been going for 7 years now and has raised approximately £30.000 for a variety of Charities.
Marj will as usual be walking from Rochdale to Todmorden in Yorkshire, a distance of 12 miles. I used to also do this walk until my back gave way, 2 years ago.
My job nowadays is going between all the stages either picking up people who have abandoned the walk or ferrying others to stages to begin the walk. I did the walk 4 times, this will be Marj's 7th. The full walk is from Manchester Canal Basin to Todmorden Lock 16. a total distance of 26 miles.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,109 Location: Aviemore
Re: Vulnerable People. « Result #70 on Sept 23, 2009, 12:02pm »
It is not mandatory for a Lion to be undergo any checks to be a member of a Lions Club. The International Constitution only you requires a member of a Lions Club, not to have been convicted of committing a felony.
An 'industry' has developed in the UK around CRB checks of which MD105 has become a part!!! Many organisations require CRB checks, but because they are relevant to that particular organisation will not accept a Lions Club CRB check. An exception may occur if the Lions Club CRB check is less than three months old, but the general rule is that there is no 'portability'.
Part of the information used by the CRB is the infamous 'List 99' maintained by the Department of Education. This list contains in addition to convictions allegations, dubious information and rumours about people who working in the education system. A person can be included on 'List 99' because it is rumoured that they have, at some time, stolen undefined school property!
If your Lions Clubs works closely with vulnerable people the overseeing organisation will advise you whether you need to undertake a CRB check, which they will organise.
Like Brian I have very strong views about CRB checks!!!
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Re: On this Day.... « Result #74 on Sept 21, 2009, 4:24pm »
19BC Roman poet Virgil dies. 1452 Fanatical prescher Savonarsola is born in Ferrara. 1558 Holy Roman Emperor Charles v dies of malaria at Yuste. 1792 The French Monarchy is abolished and France is declared a Republic. 1832 British writer Sir Walter Scott dies.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,244 Location: District 4-C1 (California)
Re: I wonder. « Result #76 on Sept 21, 2009, 2:25pm »
Are there really 30 members? My guess is that there are more like seven or eight and another twenty-something who signed up before they knew what they were in for.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
On this Day.... « Result #78 on Sept 20, 2009, 12:42pm »
356BC. Alexander the Great was born. 1519AD Ferdinand Magellan starts his second round-the-world voyage with five ships and 280 men. 1857AD. The siege of Delhi ends, leading to the collapse of the Indian mutiny. 1870AD. The reunification of Italy is completed as Garibaldi enters Rome.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Re: Can anyone beat this????? « Result #79 on Sept 20, 2009, 12:32pm »
Q1 Predetor....Film with Arnold Swarzzen something.... In the South American Jungle. It was sometimes invisible and jumped from tree to tree devouring anyone who happened to pass by. Q2 Money Collection Boxes. Q3 I donated £2 Marj Donated £2. I had my photo taken next to the Predater. When I show it, you might just see the difference between me and an alien. But there again, you might not!
Last Tuesday we visited a small village by the sea called Lynmouth, population I would approximate at about 250. Along the main street we encountered a metal Predetator, complete with a Lions Collection Box. 50 yards away there was a Lions Wishing Well. 25 yards further on at a Cliff Railway there was a Lions Collection box on the gate to go to the Carriage up the Cliff. Can anyone beat 3 Lions Collection Boxes in the space of less than 100 yards?
question #1: What is a "metal Predetator" question: #2: What kind of collection boxes, eyeglasses or money or something else. question #3: Did you contribute? I think I know this answer
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Can anyone beat this????? « Result #81 on Sept 19, 2009, 6:47pm »
Last Tuesday we visited a small village by the sea called Lynmouth, population I would approximate at about 250. Along the main street we encountered a metal Predetator, complete with a Lions Collection Box. 50 yards away there was a Lions Wishing Well. 25 yards further on at a Cliff Railway there was a Lions Collection box on the gate to go to the Carriage up the Cliff. Can anyone beat 3 Lions Collection Boxes in the space of less than 100 yards?
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Re: Vulnerable People. « Result #82 on Sept 19, 2009, 3:43pm »
A member of our Club has passed a CRB check for her job as a Nurse dealing with children and vulnerable people, and it was done within the last 3 years. Does she have to go through it all again because she is a member of a Lions Club?
I've only just thought about this a bit more and wonder what numbers are written on the blocks? Alan's first example has four blocks with the number 1 and his second has 3.
How about if the blocks are actually dice and are thrown instead of blocks being turned over? Then I suppose one would need to calculate the odds in order to set the level of the prize.
The 9 blocks have the following numbers on them. 1.1.1.1.1.2.3.4.5. therefore :- 1.1.1.1.1.4.=9 1.1.1.1.5.=9 3.2.1.1.1.1.=9 1.1.1.2.4.=9
I, for one, shall be sitting on the edge of my seat until Alan returns
I don't think you have enough to keep you busy!!!
Sorry for not responding sooner. Sharon and I have been gathering the supplies for the club's participation in a local church's 150th anniversary. The one major drawback to living in a small town is the distance from suppliers.
Joined: Jan 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 177 Location: Dartford
Re: Fund Raiser?? « Result #88 on Sept 16, 2009, 3:52pm »
It would take a little time to work out, but I have done it for 3 dice. If you roll 3 dice, the odds of getting them to add up to a particular number are as follows:
3 or 18: 0.46% 4 or 17: 1.39% 5 or 16: 2.78% 6 or 15: 4.63% 7 or 14: 6.94% 8 or 13: 9.72% 9 or 12: 11.57% 10 or 11: 12.50%.
Odds of about 1 in 9 of getting a 9.
Therefore, if you charge £1 a go, win £5 if you get a 9 you would expect to make over £40 for every 100 guesses.
If those odds are too low to attract the punters, you could offer to double their money if they get a 10 or 11. In which case, you would expect a winner for every 4 punters and you would keep half of the takings.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,203 Location: Brighton, England
Re: Fund Raiser?? « Result #89 on Sept 16, 2009, 3:28pm »
I've only just thought about this a bit more and wonder what numbers are written on the blocks? Alan's first example has four blocks with the number 1 and his second has 3.
How about if the blocks are actually dice and are thrown instead of blocks being turned over? Then I suppose one would need to calculate the odds in order to set the level of the prize.
I recently heard about a game to be taken to a Gala. I was told it consisted of 9 small wooden blocks with numbers on one side of the blocks. At 25p a go, no more nor less than 5 blocks have to be turned over and the total should be 9. Any other number loses. eg. 1.1.1.1.5. = 9 1.2.4.1.1. = 9. If 9 is reached before 5 blocks are turned over, the game is lost. If less than 9 is reached after 5 blocks turned over, the game is lost.
Anyone seen this sort of game?
I never heard of this one, but in my experience any kind of gambling game is a good fund raiser.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Re: Fund Raiser?? « Result #92 on Sept 13, 2009, 3:30pm »
Just before we go, I thought I would quickly answer you Bria. Firstly, Thank you for your suggestion. Secondly, your member sold approx 200 tickets at each meeting, so the prize money rose each time if the winning number was not claimed. At Oldham, we only have 6 members. One version of this is what we already do at each meeting is to charge members 50 per envelope and use the Lotto Bonus Ball as the winning number.
My original query was for a fundraiser that is operated outside on a Gala or Fete. But thanks again. Alan.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,203 Location: Brighton, England
Re: Fund Raiser?? « Result #95 on Sept 12, 2009, 4:21pm »
I don't know that one, but here's an idea for a fund-raisier for the admin fund which was used in our club many years ago (and i reprint a reminiscence of an old Lion):
"In the drinking period before a regular dinner meeting I used to sell draw tickets at, say, one shilling each. I would sell them from a book of a thousand cloakroom tickets. Purchasers could choose their own numbers as they wished. By the time the meting sat down I had sold maybe two hundred of the tickets (£10).
"To conduct the draw we had a bag and in it were ten ping-pong balls numbered 0 to 9. When the time for the draw came, the President (or whoever was doing the draw) drew out one of the ping-pong balls – say number 4. That was the first digit of the winning number. Then the ball was returned to the bag and the whole lot shaken up. The second number was drawn – say 6 – and that ball was put back in the bag. Then the third number was drawn – say 3 – so the winning number on that occasion would be number 463. Anyone holding that number took a predetermined percentage of the stake as a prize but if nobody had that number – remember in this example I had sold only two hundred out of a thousand tickets – then the prize money was carried forward to the next meeting. And it went on being carried forward until somebody was successful in winning.
"It was all rather exciting because the prize money used to mount up quite considerably. The situation in the draw was published in Jungle Jottings and I really believe that this caused a lot of people who might not have come to the meetings to do so, so that they could be in with a chance of winning a worthwhile prize.
"The epic occasion occurred when it had been going on for some weeks and the jackpot rose to £25 – quite a tidy sum in those days!"
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,203 Location: Brighton, England
Re: Vulnerable People. « Result #96 on Sept 12, 2009, 4:14pm »
It is not the responsibility of the District Vulnerable Persons' Officer to carry out any security checks; he is merely confirming identification of the person. The checks will be carried out by the Criminal Records Bureau.
I have my own thoughts on both the CRB checks and the new ISA (if that's what it is) but this is probably not the place to air them.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Fund Raiser?? « Result #97 on Sept 12, 2009, 3:50pm »
I recently heard about a game to be taken to a Gala. I was told it consisted of 9 small wooden blocks with numbers on one side of the blocks. At 25p a go, no more nor less than 5 blocks have to be turned over and the total should be 9. Any other number loses. eg. 1.1.1.1.5. = 9 1.2.4.1.1. = 9. If 9 is reached before 5 blocks are turned over, the game is lost. If less than 9 is reached after 5 blocks turned over, the game is lost.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Re: Return of the Lousy jokes. « Result #98 on Sept 12, 2009, 11:13am »
Very reluctantly I am going to give you a rest from my wonderful jokes. We are going to Minehead in Somerset for a short break. See you all next Saturday/Sunday.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Vulnerable People. « Result #99 on Sept 12, 2009, 11:10am »
What precisely is the point of being "CRB'd?"
I sat and watched the District Vulnerable Person's Officer complete the forms for members of a Lions Club, and even though the members had to produce their Passports and a Utility Bill, no Security Checks were mentioned nor carried out before they were told they had all passed the test.
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 770 Location: Oldham
Re: Return of the Lousy jokes. « Result #100 on Sept 11, 2009, 6:20pm »
Why did Mrs Jones shoot her husband with a bow and arrow? She didn't want to wake the children.
Don't talk to me about lie detectors, I married one. Harry took his girlfriend to a posh restaurant and ordered the entire meal in French. Even the waiter was impressed - especially as it was a Chinese restaurant.
A customer is ordering food in an Indian restaurant. "Waiter, what's the Chicken Tarka?" The waiter replies, " it's the same as chicken tikka, but it's a little 'otter."
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. Yo Momma. Yo momma's so stupid, she took a spoon to the Superbowl. Yo momma's so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
AND FINALLY...FOR NOW. Don't hate yourself in the morning.....sleep till noon.
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